Preparing for the End Times with Hot, Cheesy Mayan Maize Soup

No Camouflage Required

 The much ballyhooed end of civilization as supposedly predicted by the Mayan calendar has caused the preppers to gnash their remaining teeth and stockpile ammo, bottled water and probably porn. If that’s how you honor the end of civilization, you weren’t very civilized to begin with.  We are taking a different tack at our house because we are civilized Southerners who have more than a dash of gallows humor to go with our flair for living.   We have adorned our backyard with enough Christmas lights to be seen from space.  The idea is that it might prove a welcoming sight for whatever (alien?) forces are hell bent on destroying us or just make us a good target so that we are incinerated in the first wave and don’t have to bother with a zombie apocalypse or running out of toiletries. I, for one, don’t want to wait around while someone re-invents bathroom tissue and L’Occitane body wash.

To that effect I have “stockpiled” a bottle of champagne, a delicious ciabatta loaf and will prepare Mayan Maize Soup to await our fate.  My mother used to make this and it is shamelessly delish. You know it’s authentic because it calls for Velveeta Cheese just like the Mayans used to use.  The Mayans learned about Velveeta from the celestial visitors who helped them with their calendar. These visitors traveled with this cheese product because it did not need refrigeration and had a half life that could be measured in light years.  The recipe is attributed the David Wade, a suave, knowledgeable gent who  had his own cooking show in the Dallas area in the late 50’s through the late 60’s or early 70’s.  The “Dining with David Wade Show” featured “the Rembrandt of the kitchen” sporting an ascot and crested blazer while he enlightened his viewers on the subject of home cooked cuisine.  I can’t verify this specific Mayan Maize Soup recipe attributed to Mr. Wade by anything I can find online, but that’s what my mother wrote on her recipe index card that is now in my possession. And I think that’s good enough.

The recipe also called for cream cheese because the Mayans knew that one cannot have too many processed cheeses in one recipe. I don’t know which kind they preferred, but my mother used Philadelphia brand and one can certainly make do with that.  The only change I’ve made is sautéing the onions in butter or olive oil instead of “oleo” (margarine). Advanced civilizations have marched on from that option. The recipe ensues for your dining pleasure. Ascot optional, but cloth napkins preferred.

David Wade’s Mayan Maize Soup from the recipe collection of Millie Hudson

Sauté in TBS of butter or olive oil, one finely diced onion

Add ½ cup of milk

Add 1 can of cream style corn

Soften ½ lb. of Mexican style Velveeta cheese and one 8 oz package

of Philadelphia brand cream cheese.

Cook together slowly melting the cheeses until all is mixed. Serve with an adult beverage and light-hearted fatalism.

photo courtesy of

5 Responses

  1. Reply by BA Norrgard On December 20, 2012 at 12:11 pm

    This is hilarious! Thanks for sharing… Merry Christmas!

  2. Reply by Arnie P. On December 20, 2012 at 3:01 pm

    Cleaver and a very enjoyable read. (I wish I could write like that.) Will try your mom’s recipe sometime — with some sweet red peppers and celery thrown into the butter sautée.

    • Reply by admin On December 20, 2012 at 3:09 pm

      Arnie- Sounds like a good adaptation. Extra vegetables will mitigate the calories from cheese, no??

  3. Reply by Mike Bialas On December 21, 2012 at 8:44 am

    Great recipe and I luv the serving suggestion: “Serve with an adult beverage and light-hearted fatalism.”

    btw, only a few hrs to go…

    • Reply by admin On December 21, 2012 at 8:52 am

      Mike, this is a very rich, thick soup. You can thin it a bit w/ milk as it can double as cheese dip. Look at Arnie’s suggestions below for making it a bit more up to date. My mother used to freeze it in individual serving containers to microwave at will.